I would not actually have the comparative advantage at doing this

...but somewhere, there should be a guide to CPAC events arranged in order of target I.Q. of attendees.

There should also be a similar guide to D.C. right of center happy hours/social events. It would be funnier if there were one-paragraph descriptions of each event complete with quotes from attendees, explaining why the author came up with the target I.Q. that he or she did.